If you Google “opting out” and “parents” you’ll get over 3 million responses that focus primarily on standardized tests and vaccines. Nope, not my topic! I want to talk about opting out of the everyday things that parents are “expected” to do. I’m not sure who wrote the imaginary rulebook, but shouldn’t we all get to write our own rules? I have veered from many traditions and for many different reasons–mostly time, money, and principle–but the list below is specific to my family.
School Pictures – Having the 8x10s lined up on the walls of the staircase was the thing of the 1970s, but I’m not that person. I bought the requisite packages for a few years to keep the grandparents stocked with the latest pics, but I eventually acknowledged those were some of my kids’ worst pictures. And the ones I was supposed to be framing never got framed. Now, I just take pictures of them being themselves. School picture day is such a non-event in my household that my kids have a reputation for being the most inappropriately dressed kids for the group picture, but what can I say? They like tie-dye shirts and that ratty old hoodie!
Birthday Parties – This may be controversial, but I think a mama could go crazy if she goes to every bouncy house party her child is invited to. Certainly some parties are important–particularly that special friend or the kid who is having a small party–but if they have 25 kids in their class and everyone has a giant party, it can eat away the precious little family time you have. My general rule has been that family plans come first. Don’t worry – my kids have still been to Pump It Up, Chuck E Cheese, and the roller skating rink more times than I can count! The flip side of this is to remember that you don’t need to invite all 25 of those kids to your party either. We’ve done big parties, but we’ve also just taken a special friend or two to a baseball game.
Sports – Just because T-ball is available for 3-year-olds does not mean your child needs to be doing it. Just because their whole T-ball team is moving on to the basketball team and then the soccer team doesn’t mean your child needs to do all the same sports. Pick what’s right for your family. I will admit that my younger son (who plays year-round soccer today) started at the age of 3, but then we took a 4 year break. Despite having zero soccer experience, I was roped into herding (coaching) that first team. I quickly realized they could chase the ball in my backyard just as easily as on a field. They didn’t want to stay in the boundaries anyway.
These are all decisions that I could make independently for my own family, but sometimes they are group decisions and that is trickier to navigate. I’ve been known to be the one questioning the obligatory participation trophy. It might be exciting the first time, but soon they are all just dust collectors.
What have you opted out of for your kids? Looking back, is there anything you wish you had done differently? Or, looking to the future, do you see any changes you want to make now?
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