Running from the Monkeys

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If you ask my kids, they will tell you that I am a worrier. An over-worrier, in fact. In my defense, I think all parents worry from the moment the baby arrives (is the car seat installed properly? is this ear-piercing shriek a sign he needs a fresh diaper or catastrophic illness?) or even before (will she be healthy? how will I make it through the delivery?) It would be nice to think that we all eventually get the hang of this parenting thing and just chill out, but my experience has been that you just move on to different worry-provoking topics.

Recently, I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of experts talking about fear and its impact on our mind. Brene Brown, PhD and author of Rising Strong, refers to it as “dress rehearsing tragedy” [Read more…]

How to Talk to Kids About Tragedy

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This is a post I wish I didn’t feel compelled to write. But tragedy happens. In our worlds and our communities and our families. Today isn’t one of those days, but it feels better to talk about it when I’m not personally feelinimg_8822g lost in the craziness of the world. The picture I’m including is from this summer in my own community. In the parking lot of our local high school, heartbroken kids lit candles, wrote chalk messages, prayed, and spent time grieving together and alone. The message that most stands out to me in this picture is written in red words on the curb. Choose Love. Yes, please. Choose Love.

Last week, I sat down with Zita Fekete, a psychotherapist that I met years ago through my children’s Montessori school. I’d like to share her thoughts here so that we can be prepared when we’re expected to be far more adult than we ever wanted to be. I will preface this by saying that our conversation focused largely on kids who are exposed to and knowledgeable about a specific tragedy. I know when I had preschoolers, I kept the TV off and the radio tuned to music to avoid filling their brains with words and images they weren’t ready for. But, it gets harder and harder to shield them as they get older.

  1. Talk, talk, talk. Ask your child questions: How do you feel? What do you know? What do you want to know?
  2. Listen and accept their answers. Conversation is only good if there are no taboos, no expectations. You need to accept whatever answer they give you, even if it isn’t what you expect.
  3. Let them lead. The conversations, feelings, and needs all depend on the person.
  4. Surround your kids with positive experiences. If they can engage with positive experiences (e.g. camping, spending time outdoors), it doesn’t leave as much room for the negativity.
  5. Remember: It’s not about you. As much as you may also be impacted by a specific event, you need to separate your own pain from your role as a parent. Seek out help for yourself if you need to.

We had a much longer conversation that also covered depression, anxiety, and other topics, but I’ll save those for another time. For now, choose love and hug your kids every day.

Carry On, Warrior

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LoveGlennon Doyle Melton, the author of Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Beautiful, Messy Life, was one of my inspirations for this blog. Sometime last year, I decided I wanted to start blogging again. I let it roll around in my head for a while and then just as I was ready to take the plunge, I read an article that was titled something along the lines of The Last Thing the World Needs is Another Mommy Blogger. It had all kinds of negative things to say and made me wonder why I would jump into the fray of what they portrayed as a judgmental and cutthroat world.

carry on warriorThis book and Glennon’s website Momastery led me back to the original reasons I wanted to start a blog for mothers. Love. Whenever something tragic happens in the world, I wonder why we can’t just love each other through these problems instead of harming each other. While it doesn’t give an answer to world peace, this book reminded me that we can each love every day in our own way. And that many blogs don’t fit the mold of the article I’d read. [Read more…]

What is an Elephant Mama?

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Hello and welcome!

Elephant Mama (or Elma for short!) is my own term for moms doing our best every day to raise our kids with love, wisdom, humor and intention. The elephant is known in the animal kingdom for being a fierce protector and a gentle nurturer.  Deeply committed to their children, elephants live in a matriarchal society where they rely upon the wisdom of other females in the herd. The Elephant Mamas blog is inspired by these gentle giants. It is a community for sharing and supporting each other on the journey of motherhood.

Elephant Mamas provide unconditional love. Each kid comes with their own roadmap and it’s our job to help them discover this path, rather than guiding them to the path we may have once envisioned.
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