Life is Short

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I was stunned to find out today that Tory DeOrian, the amazingly talented illustrator of this blog, passed away this week. I don’t know anything except that this bright 25-year-old shining star is no longer with us which makes me so very sad. I only met her once and yet I’m moved to tears at her loss and sending my prayers to those who knew her best.

We met two years ago in The Viper Room at a 2-day Rob Bell conference for communicators. She was the beautiful, uber-tall blonde sitting in the front row, asking deep questions and engaging Rob. Through her answers to his questions, we all got to know her. She was working as a makeup artist (among other things; I seem to recall she had several jobs), but she was also a budding artist with big dreams. We talked outside of the conference and, looking at her art, I urged her to check out the Society of Children Bookwriters and Illustrators (SCBWI). Her quirky little manticorn–you know, a manatee with a horn–seemed destined to find his way onto the pages of a children’s picture book. She jumped in to SCBWI with both feet and quickly signed as an illustrator with a prestigious literary agency. I don’t know if the manticorn ever materialized into a full book, but I sincerely hope so.

Last summer, I hired Tory to create the illustrations for this blog. It was important to me that the blog not come off too judge-y and I thought her lighthearted illustrations would be perfect. I had a great experience going back and forth with her as the images evolved.

In Tory’s short life, she touched so many lives and left behind a beautiful and inspiring legacy in her art. We talked of one day writing a book about ELMA, my little elephant mama, but I always thought we’d have time for that. Tory never had a chance to become a mama, but she embodied the qualites: Love, Wisdom, Humor, and Intention.

Thanks for the inspiration Tory. I’ll leave you with her words and her art.

Always have something to look forward to. 

Leave no stone unturned. 

When Mama Knows Best

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Do you ever feel like your timing is out of sync? Or your kid’s timing is out of sync? There seem to be set rules for everything in our society: babies should walk by 12 months, toddlers should know 100 words, 5-year olds should go to kindergarten (unless they’re boys and then, maybe six is okay), 15-year olds should be learning to drive, 18-year olds should be planning to leave the nest.

But what if you and your kid aren’t on that plan?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately with my own teenagers. I’ll skip the details, but let me just say that I’m not sure who decided 15 was the right age to teach a boy to drive. I’m quite certain it would have been easier at age 12 (when they still thought you knew something) or maybe… 26?

When I look back, both my kids and I have been out of sync many times. My babies learned to walk at 10 months (“early! that’s amazing! what did you do?!?”) and 16 months (“that’s a little late. have you thought about having him evaluated?”) They were both completely fine – and, contrary to popular belief, the younger one walked later despite having an older brother to model it for him. That same kid didn’t know how to jump at the age of 3 – a discovery I made in Gymboree class. Was there something wrong with him? Nope. He was just content with 2 feet on the ground. He’s now a long distance runner who has just added javelin to his repertoire. I started 1st grade a month after I turned 5, graduated when I was 16 and finished college before I was (legally) allowed in a bar.

I’m thinking April the giraffe is feeling this way right about now after 2 weeks of live streaming the impending birth of her baby. All in due time.

Everyone is different.

And that’s what keeps life interesting. Sometimes you just know your kids better than anyone else.

 

Love is Love is Love is Love…

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“Love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside,” Lin-Manuel Miranda of the blockbuster Hamilton when he won the Tony award in 2016 for his Broadway show.

It’s February which the advertisers likes to remind us is time to buy diamonds and chocolate, but it’s also a great month for expressing love to all those around us, including our children. Let’s face it – parenting is tough, but the unconditional love you have for them is what gets all of us through to the other side. There have most definitely been moments, days, weeks, and even years (Hello? Did anyone else get stuck in the Terrible Twos for 18 months?) when you may not particularly like your children, or revel in the day to day glory of it all, but the love remains.

We’re all unique individuals who give and receive love in different ways. How do you best enjoy receiving love: a hug, a kind word, a helping hand? How do you most enjoy giving it out: a warm meal, a hug, words of encouragement?

It’s been a while since I read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but I just retook the quiz to remind myself of my own style. The book is based on the 5 different Quality of Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. I scored highest in Quality of Time, with Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts being my lowest scores. The cool thing is that you can also do this quiz either with or on behalf of your kids. They have separate online quizzes for kids 9-12 and teenagers, as well as guidance for how to work through the concept with younger kids.

We may all be different, but just understanding those differences can take us a long way.

 

 

Time for Tradition

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Regardless of what your family celebrates, holidays are  the perfect time to build family traditions which will stay with them for a lifetime. I love how my kids remember specific Christmas activities, books, and ornaments year to year. As you’ll see below, we have an eclectic list of traditions that ranges from religious to secular. But the first rule is: No decorations or music until the day after Thanksgiving!

  • 2 trees  – 1 for my theme of white, gold, and natural wood. The other is anything goes! Except for the candy canes, which are limited to the top half of the tree so the pug doesn’t get them.
  • Gingerbread house decorating – We just buy the $10 kits – and maybe some extra candy decorations. By the end of the season, my younger son’s has usually been stripped of its gumdrop roof, but he at least owns up to the theft now!
  • The animated decorations – this includes a 3 foot tall singing Tigger, Yoda Santa, the Coca Cola Santa Snowglobe, and the inflatable Snoopy outside. Yes, it’s a religious holiday, but we love our characters and the joy they bring to the season as well! They used to all have assigned places that my kids remembered, but now that we’ve moved and moved the walls around in this house, everything had to find a new home this year.
  • One present to open on Christmas Eve. It is ALWAYS Christmas pajamas.
  • Making fudge and sugar cookies
  • Advent candles
  • Advent calendar – one with fabric hanging ornaments and a newer one with boxes that I try to remember to fill with candy for the day.
  • A German pyramid (see above). I’d never heard of this, but my son came home from preschool one day having learned about it from his German friend. Now we have our own!
  • Special outfit for the dog
  • Holiday music – We have everything from Johnny Cash to Kelly Clarkson to Twisted Sister. Yep – that’s a thing.
  • Celebrating the birth of Christ at church on Christmas Eve
  • Giving to a family in need. This year, we actually travelled to Neah Bay (the far Western tip of the United States) with a few Presbyterian churches and helped throw the annual Christmas party for the children of the Makah tribe. I loved that the party started with gingerbread houses and that we share many of the same traditions.
  • Personalized photo gifts for my kids – some years it’s a calendar, some years it’s a book I’ve written, but the theme is usually the same – our beloved dogs! I am a Foodist is their favorite – an irreverent look at Foodism which is our pug’s religion of choice.
  • Books – here are some of my favorites! We used to read a Christmas book aloud every night. Now I just leave them out and hope they get picked up.

What traditions does your family have? Any new ones you want to start this year?

Pure Gratitude

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November will definitely go down as a momentous part of 2016, but I’m here to talk about the most important Thursday this month, not that Tuesday that happened a few weeks back. On to Thanksgiving! What are you grateful for this year?? Here’s my list…

  • A husband who supports me every day
  • My kids who make me laugh, smile (and pull my hair out) every day
  • My health
  • The best Mom, Dad, and brother anyone could ask for
  • Elephant Mamas
  • Second chances
  • A roof over my head and hot showers
  • A warm fire
  • Vanilla almond tea every morning
  • Celebrating the holidays in my home this year after bouncing around most of last year
  • Amazing friends
  • The pug who sleeps/snores on my lap while I blog
  • The puppy who healed our family after we lost our last puppy to cancer
  • Laughter
  • Love
  • Books that teach, inspire, and entertain
  • Sunrise and sunset – the two most beautiful parts of every day
  • Mountains, oceans, forests and all the creatures who live there
  • America
  • YOU for visiting this page and contributing to the conversation

That’s an off the top of my head list, but I know there are hundreds of other things to add. Most importantly, there are millions of people who have very few of these. In honor of Thanksgiving, let’s all reach out to them in kindness and love.