Running from the Monkeys

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If you ask my kids, they will tell you that I am a worrier. An over-worrier, in fact. In my defense, I think all parents worry from the moment the baby arrives (is the car seat installed properly? is this ear-piercing shriek a sign he needs a fresh diaper or catastrophic illness?) or even before (will she be healthy? how will I make it through the delivery?) It would be nice to think that we all eventually get the hang of this parenting thing and just chill out, but my experience has been that you just move on to different worry-provoking topics.

Recently, I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of experts talking about fear and its impact on our mind. Brene Brown, PhD and author of Rising Strong, refers to it as “dress rehearsing tragedy” [Read more…]

It’s Just Stuff

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First of all, sorry for the extra stuff in your inbox if you’re a subscriber. You’re nice enough to subscribe, and then I publish a blog post with the text “test” and a broken link?!? Still working the technical kinks out over here in WordPress blogging land. Hope you can laugh along with me!

Now… on to the rest of the stuff! Are kids stuff magnets or what? When they’re babies, it seems you need a suitcase just to get out of the house. Then comes what I like to refer to as the goodie bag/Happy Meal days when there seems to be an inordinate amount of crap that somehow makes it through your front door–even if you never take them to McDonald’s. (My least favorite birthday party favor? A “free” goldfish! But that’s a story for another day….) What about all the paper sent home by the school, sports equipment that they tried briefly, musical instruments that they quit? The list goes on and on…

I’ve moved 3 times in the past 3 years so stuff has been on my mind frequently. Last year, we packed up our whole house and moved it into a 2 bedroom apartment – with a 10×20 storage unit on the side. And that was after I donated, sold, and pitched a ton! So… I’ve been on a quest to purge everything we no longer need. Which brings me to my plans for October and an invitation for you.

I discovered The Minimalists last year and their #MinsGame. They are focused on minimizing the clutter in your life and maximizing the good stuff–the experiences, the love, the friends. The object of the #minsgame is to minimize your stuff by getting rid of the same number of items each day as the corresponding date. One item on October 1st, 2 items on October 2nd, all the way to 31 items on the last day of the month. I briefly experimented with this last year, but I still have a long way to go so I’m doing it again.

I’ll post a picture each day in October on the Elephant Mamas Facebook page. Anyone want to play along?

 

Finding Balance

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Have you ever noticed that there are times when everything in life seems to be clicking and other times where everything just seems off kilter? Summer is ending (although I’m still hoping for a sunny September!) and the kids are back in school so now seems like the perfect time to get everything back in sync. I’ve come to realize there are certain activities that I have to do to be in balance. As they say, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

I won’t say that I nail this every day by any means, but just learning what my daily must-dos are has been insightful. If I can squeeze most of these in most days, I’m on the right track.

Family Time – When my kiddos were little, this category dominated and wasn’t even something I had to try for, but these days, it’s important to make it a priority. For my family, that means dinner together nearly every night. I know it’s not ideal to eat after 7 or 8 o’clock, but that’s when it works for us. Usually by that time, sports are done, everyone is home and someone has managed to cook something. It’s important that we all check in with each other and this is the time that works for us. Individual time with my husband is a priority too, but I’ll be honest and say that’s even harder now that we’re well past 7:30 bedtimes for kids! Although he sometimes works weekends, he does have a day off during the week and that helps.

Exercise – My physical and mental health are deeply entwined and I know I feel better when I’m working out regularly. There was a time when that meant intense CrossFit workouts. Over the last year, my exercise has been more about yoga, walking, and physical therapy which is what I needed to heal from a whiplash injury. I’ve recently discovered Orange Theory Fitness and that’s working for me. As long as I’m motivated to get there, the instructors can motivate me through an hour of running, lifting, rowing, lunging, and crunching.

Get Outside – Ideally, this is connected to the one above, but I do live in the Pacific Nortimg_8976hwest so there are definitely rainy winter days where this doesn’t happen. In general, though, I find my mood is better when I spend time outside doing something – walking the dogs, reading in the sunshine, gardening, cheering my kid on the soccer field – with fresh air and vitamin D. Here’s a pic of my puppy Gizmo trying to find her own balance on a slippery log at the beach!

Write – For me right now this is where my work part of the day fits in, although I realize it’s also a luxury that I’m able to make my own schedule. Although many parts of writing are hard for me, the one piece that comes easy is generating ideas. The problem is that I go crazy if I just leave the ideas to roll around in my head. That’s actually a big part of the inspiration for this blog. I have bigger bursts when I’m in the midst of a novel, but even when I’m not, I just need to get the ideas on a screen or on paper.

Read – Writing my own stories is important, but I love to lose myself in other stories as well. As a mom of busy kids, I find myself in the car a lot so there are times when I actually have two books going – audio in the car and hardcopy everywhere else. A friend recently mentioned that she goes back and forth between Audible and Kindle on the same book, but for now I’m liking having two stories. I’m listening to Ivan Doig’s Last Bus To Wisdom in the car and have Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson on my nightstand.

Connect – This can vary from a phone call to a walk with a friend to a series of funny texts, but the connection to others is important. Writing is a solitary activity and I am an extrovert. I need to get out! I need people to talk to!

What about you? What’s on your daily list of must-dos? Is there something that’s lacking right now that should be prioritized?

Will Your Child be Disappointed?

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Summer is ending and school is starting or just around the corner. Regardless of age, the early days of school are ripe with the potential for disappointment. They don’t get their favorite teacher. Their best friend moved away over the summer. The preschool changed the brand of crackers offered for snack time. The problem may seem big or small to you, but the question here on Elephant Mamas is what are you going to do about it?

I have a proposal: Do nothing.

Recent events in my community have me thinking a lot about destructive choices kids make later in life and what leads them to this point. There is not a one-size-fits-all answer, but it does make me think about choices I am making as a parent. Even if I’m able to go to the school and demand a new teacher, is that helping my child? If I think they have too much homework, is my opinion the only one that matters?

What if all the helicopter parenting of our generation is leading to kids who grow up not knowing how to deal with big disappointment because they never learned to face the little ones? Someone once told me that I shouldn’t let my kids go to college out of state because it’s too hard to fix class schedule problems with the Registrar over the phone. I don’t know about you, but my parents had absolutely zero input on my school schedule once I reached that age! And I don’t plan to either.

You know your kids best and know when they can advocate for themselves and when they need you to step in. I just know there are times when my kids haven’t made the team they wanted, received the grade they expected, or gone to bed without dinner on a school trip because they didn’t like the food. None of these events made them perish, but I hope it built a slightly thicker outer shell to protect them in the future.

What about you? What disappointments has your child face and how did you each handle it? Is there anything you’re planning to do differently this year than last since they are a year older?

Opting Out

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If you Google “opting out” and “parents” you’ll get over 3 million responses that focus primarily on standardized tests and vaccines. Nope, not my topic! I want to talk about opting out of the everyday things that parents are “expected” to do. I’m not sure who wrote the imaginary rulebook, but shouldn’t we all get to write our own rules? I have veered from many traditions and for many different reasons–mostly time, money, and principle–but the list below is specific to my family.

School Pictures – Having the 8x10s lined up on the walls of the staircase was the thing of the 1970s, but [Read more…]