Life is Short

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I was stunned to find out today that Tory DeOrian, the amazingly talented illustrator of this blog, passed away this week. I don’t know anything except that this bright 25-year-old shining star is no longer with us which makes me so very sad. I only met her once and yet I’m moved to tears at her loss and sending my prayers to those who knew her best.

We met two years ago in The Viper Room at a 2-day Rob Bell conference for communicators. She was the beautiful, uber-tall blonde sitting in the front row, asking deep questions and engaging Rob. Through her answers to his questions, we all got to know her. She was working as a makeup artist (among other things; I seem to recall she had several jobs), but she was also a budding artist with big dreams. We talked outside of the conference and, looking at her art, I urged her to check out the Society of Children Bookwriters and Illustrators (SCBWI). Her quirky little manticorn–you know, a manatee with a horn–seemed destined to find his way onto the pages of a children’s picture book. She jumped in to SCBWI with both feet and quickly signed as an illustrator with a prestigious literary agency. I don’t know if the manticorn ever materialized into a full book, but I sincerely hope so.

Last summer, I hired Tory to create the illustrations for this blog. It was important to me that the blog not come off too judge-y and I thought her lighthearted illustrations would be perfect. I had a great experience going back and forth with her as the images evolved.

In Tory’s short life, she touched so many lives and left behind a beautiful and inspiring legacy in her art. We talked of one day writing a book about ELMA, my little elephant mama, but I always thought we’d have time for that. Tory never had a chance to become a mama, but she embodied the qualites: Love, Wisdom, Humor, and Intention.

Thanks for the inspiration Tory. I’ll leave you with her words and her art.

Always have something to look forward to. 

Leave no stone unturned. 

When Mama Knows Best

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Do you ever feel like your timing is out of sync? Or your kid’s timing is out of sync? There seem to be set rules for everything in our society: babies should walk by 12 months, toddlers should know 100 words, 5-year olds should go to kindergarten (unless they’re boys and then, maybe six is okay), 15-year olds should be learning to drive, 18-year olds should be planning to leave the nest.

But what if you and your kid aren’t on that plan?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately with my own teenagers. I’ll skip the details, but let me just say that I’m not sure who decided 15 was the right age to teach a boy to drive. I’m quite certain it would have been easier at age 12 (when they still thought you knew something) or maybe… 26?

When I look back, both my kids and I have been out of sync many times. My babies learned to walk at 10 months (“early! that’s amazing! what did you do?!?”) and 16 months (“that’s a little late. have you thought about having him evaluated?”) They were both completely fine – and, contrary to popular belief, the younger one walked later despite having an older brother to model it for him. That same kid didn’t know how to jump at the age of 3 – a discovery I made in Gymboree class. Was there something wrong with him? Nope. He was just content with 2 feet on the ground. He’s now a long distance runner who has just added javelin to his repertoire. I started 1st grade a month after I turned 5, graduated when I was 16 and finished college before I was (legally) allowed in a bar.

I’m thinking April the giraffe is feeling this way right about now after 2 weeks of live streaming the impending birth of her baby. All in due time.

Everyone is different.

And that’s what keeps life interesting. Sometimes you just know your kids better than anyone else.

 

Why I March

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This week is a historic week for our country as we install a new President. Don’t worry, this isn’t a political post. But, it is about standing up for what you believe and allowing your kids to witness that.

Last night, I told my youngest son that I would be participating in the Women’s March on Seattle on Saturday. This is the local version of the Women’s March taking place on the same day in our nation’s capital. He politely responded, “I get that you want to support your causes–and I’m fine with that–but how does it make any difference?”

That was a gutpunch from my own kid. But I’m okay with it. Here’s the truth… I’ve raised my kids to think and to question and now that they’re teenagers that means they are forming their own opinions. Sometimes we share political and religious views and sometimes we don’t. We definitely don’t share the same thoughts on how to respond to what we see. But we’re also nearly 30 years apart. So… here’s how I responded.

“Yes, it makes a difference. It makes a difference to me. I am not trying to change the outcome of the election, but I am uniting with other women so we can have a voice.”

I’ve thought about it longer now and have more to say. We all need to have a voice. Men and women, blacks and whites, Asians and Latinos, people with privilege and people with special needs. Uniting with others can strengthen your voice and your standing–even if you do it through a silent march. I am happy that I’ll be marching. I’m happy that my kids are watching me do it. Could they come along? Sure, it’s open to all, but that’s not where my kids are right now and that’s fine too.

Finding Balance

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Have you ever noticed that there are times when everything in life seems to be clicking and other times where everything just seems off kilter? Summer is ending (although I’m still hoping for a sunny September!) and the kids are back in school so now seems like the perfect time to get everything back in sync. I’ve come to realize there are certain activities that I have to do to be in balance. As they say, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

I won’t say that I nail this every day by any means, but just learning what my daily must-dos are has been insightful. If I can squeeze most of these in most days, I’m on the right track.

Family Time – When my kiddos were little, this category dominated and wasn’t even something I had to try for, but these days, it’s important to make it a priority. For my family, that means dinner together nearly every night. I know it’s not ideal to eat after 7 or 8 o’clock, but that’s when it works for us. Usually by that time, sports are done, everyone is home and someone has managed to cook something. It’s important that we all check in with each other and this is the time that works for us. Individual time with my husband is a priority too, but I’ll be honest and say that’s even harder now that we’re well past 7:30 bedtimes for kids! Although he sometimes works weekends, he does have a day off during the week and that helps.

Exercise – My physical and mental health are deeply entwined and I know I feel better when I’m working out regularly. There was a time when that meant intense CrossFit workouts. Over the last year, my exercise has been more about yoga, walking, and physical therapy which is what I needed to heal from a whiplash injury. I’ve recently discovered Orange Theory Fitness and that’s working for me. As long as I’m motivated to get there, the instructors can motivate me through an hour of running, lifting, rowing, lunging, and crunching.

Get Outside – Ideally, this is connected to the one above, but I do live in the Pacific Nortimg_8976hwest so there are definitely rainy winter days where this doesn’t happen. In general, though, I find my mood is better when I spend time outside doing something – walking the dogs, reading in the sunshine, gardening, cheering my kid on the soccer field – with fresh air and vitamin D. Here’s a pic of my puppy Gizmo trying to find her own balance on a slippery log at the beach!

Write – For me right now this is where my work part of the day fits in, although I realize it’s also a luxury that I’m able to make my own schedule. Although many parts of writing are hard for me, the one piece that comes easy is generating ideas. The problem is that I go crazy if I just leave the ideas to roll around in my head. That’s actually a big part of the inspiration for this blog. I have bigger bursts when I’m in the midst of a novel, but even when I’m not, I just need to get the ideas on a screen or on paper.

Read – Writing my own stories is important, but I love to lose myself in other stories as well. As a mom of busy kids, I find myself in the car a lot so there are times when I actually have two books going – audio in the car and hardcopy everywhere else. A friend recently mentioned that she goes back and forth between Audible and Kindle on the same book, but for now I’m liking having two stories. I’m listening to Ivan Doig’s Last Bus To Wisdom in the car and have Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson on my nightstand.

Connect – This can vary from a phone call to a walk with a friend to a series of funny texts, but the connection to others is important. Writing is a solitary activity and I am an extrovert. I need to get out! I need people to talk to!

What about you? What’s on your daily list of must-dos? Is there something that’s lacking right now that should be prioritized?

Opting Out

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If you Google “opting out” and “parents” you’ll get over 3 million responses that focus primarily on standardized tests and vaccines. Nope, not my topic! I want to talk about opting out of the everyday things that parents are “expected” to do. I’m not sure who wrote the imaginary rulebook, but shouldn’t we all get to write our own rules? I have veered from many traditions and for many different reasons–mostly time, money, and principle–but the list below is specific to my family.

School Pictures – Having the 8x10s lined up on the walls of the staircase was the thing of the 1970s, but [Read more…]